Behind the Counter: A Day in the Life of a Fishmonger Cat
Head fishmonger Captain Cornelius Pilchard has worked at the deli for nine years, or about seventy in cat time, or one long afternoon in the way he experiences it. He agreed to talk to us for as long as it took him to finish a mackerel.
4:30 AM: the delivery
“I wake before the van. I always know. The fish has a sound, a sort of silver thinking. I walk to the back door, I wait, I look at the handle. Eventually somebody opens it, and I pretend I was passing.”
5:00 AM: inspection
Cornelius inspects every crate. He sniffs the first fish, rejects it, then sniffs the second, and rejects that too. By the fifth crate, he has found a fish he considers acceptable and has stolen it. This is called quality control.
7:00 AM: the display
The fish is arranged on ice in a pattern designed to look casual. It takes two hours. Cornelius is not allowed to touch the display during these two hours, so he supervises from a stool.
9:00 AM: opening
“This is the best moment. Customers come in, they look at the fish, they look at me. I give them nothing. They buy more.”
Midday: the lull
Business slows. Cornelius naps in the crate marked Fragile. It is the only crate that has ever fit him.
3:00 PM: the visitor
The mouse appears from behind the shelves. Each day, it and Cornelius regard each other with polite suspicion. Neither acts. The arrangement has lasted nine years.
“It is a small amount of mouse. We have an understanding.”
5:00 PM: closing
Cornelius sweeps the floor with his tail. He shuts the shutters with a careful nudge. He has a final mackerel and a long drink of water from the bucket meant for mopping.
Advice for young fishmongers
- Know your customer
- Know your fish
- Know where the stool is
- Do not, under any circumstances, trust a seagull
We thank Captain Pilchard for his time, which he billed at one sardine per minute.
